A trip back home-abode of two beautiful angels of my life!

I am just back from home, after spending ten beautiful days with two beautiful angels of my life; two amazing people who have been the source and origin of tunes, the lyrics, and the symphony of every beautiful piece of music that Nature played in my life. Parents are just like that. It’s ineffable to express what they do for their children. Those words never existed and could never be invented! You just feel the eternal bliss of having them in your life. Obviously, the feeling to be with them, to be able to see them around each day when you wake up, is second to none and this feeling is more subtle and palpable when your heart knows, in the last few years it has spent just a countable days with them. 

Since the day I joined college, I haven’t been able to spend much time with them and just visited them during semester breaks when I was in college and now mostly at some of these festival occasions. Of course, I really miss them whenever I am away and I feel there is a different being in me, which lives its life only when I am with these two amazing people; I truly feel as if it resumes from where I left when I was home last time! You just feel so safe and secure; you can be that extra careless; you can show that extra bit of negligence; you feel as if nothing can go wrong with you as long as you are with them. You are not being judged and no matter what you do, you’re going to remain the dearest for them as you always were. Life just blossoms into its most beautiful facets. Being with them, you always find yourself full of strength. Subtle expressions on their faces with serene tranquillity tell you a loud that everything is fine; you are sailing through an ocean of love, just enjoy it. There is so much love and beauty; there is so much of it.

Like any son would do, I love them a lot. I adore them for everything they did for me. But apart from loving them as my parents, I also admire them for being the kind of people they are. I can indefatigably go on writing about their established ways of life. I feel one of the most amazing things Parents do is bringing out the spiritual dimension in a child’s being. The very first seed of spirituality is always sowed by the parents who devote their entire energy in shaping up their children’s life. They influence a child’s psyche in varied ways and making a child realize the importance of being connected to the source is one of them. As you grow up, many a times, it happens that you do something good and get appreciated for it, and suddenly you tend to ask yourself where it has come from, who taught you these things! And there you probably realize that it all flows in genes, their blessings get reflected in your deeds, it’s fruition of their lifelong incessant efforts in letting you learn the values they always wished you imbibe in and then create a niche of your own, keeping those values as soul of living.

It’s so amazing to still see that incessant powerful urge in them to give you more even when they have spent their entire life doing the same. Sometimes I wonder and feel like asking them, ‘what is that which is left in you that you haven’t given me!’ and with more than twenty five years of benevolence over me, still they are always ready to give. So amazingly lovely it is. 

Now since you are going through that phase of life when you have a bunch of experiences with you and formed an approach towards life, Nature tries to teach you new aspects of human manifestation fused with responsibilities and all those pertinent intricacies of it and if you are consciously attending these teachings, you happen to have these very discernible unspoken reverberations and unsaid conversations within, ‘Though they have done so much and introduced innumerable happiness in my life for all these years that I can't just pay them back even a bit. But still I urge YOU to please make me potent enough to know everything what they desire, what they desired when I was unable to lend a supportive hand; which crossed their mind even for a while, but sacrificed it every time while bringing me up because I want to give them that every small happiness! I know they would never tell me; so I ask YOU, the Almighty for strength. God, you have been so kind to me, introducing two extremely beautiful people who were the origin and source of every wonderful thing happened to me, introducing two angels for me even before my existence! Hopefully I could do justice to my life by understanding and doing at least this much!!!’

Parents are the two finest musicians of their children’s life and not wrong to say, they truly specialize in background music! You might be doing great in the central plot and getting all the accolades, and back of your mind, in the background, among the constituents of every beautiful thing coming to you, you know it very well there are these two incredible people, no matter if they’re far away, who constantly deliver prayers and blessings for your well being and form the strings of the music of your life.

Moving back to India: A constructive end and A fresher beginning

Next week I am moving back to India. There is immense pleasure about going back even as I do feel subtle uneasiness about separation from this place which surely would remain an enriching chapter of my life for numerous reasons. Nature extends its benevolence beyond limits and even when I was here in Korea far away from my own country, it took care of me and I feel the gratitude for what I learnt here, the love and affection I got from the people I met here. In such moments, I completely turn inward, within my dense introversion. This is not something I deliberately choose to do, but I feel so fragile psychologically that I perhaps live with this fear that something would definitely go wrong for everything seems to have been taken over by heart! And I know it would remain so till I leave. So effectively I don’t happen to do anything much during these days and get carried along with this emotional experience. It’s very instinctual. It just happens. Subtle weakness about the fact that soon I would be far away from this place, which was so conducive in its own way for my growth as a person and definitely as a professional, has shifted me back and I am going through the flashback of my two and a half years in Korea. I behold. I am confined within this. 

Being alone gives a space to introspect ourselves and it can be an amazing learning experience of self discovery if we set our mind to it. It becomes an integral part of our scheme of evolution, but as a normal human being would be, I used to be sad at times. As we all know, there is nothing wrong with it. It’s possible once in a while, but again you can’t feel excused for this if you keep feeling that for a long time and there is one aspect to it which becomes important as we grow. We have to be responsible even for our thoughts if they can start affecting things adversely. We can’t lose the hold on what such situation has to offer even if it is extended beyond a limit. There exists an appropriate response for us to take, more because how much we can assimilate, how much we are capable to grasp the learning’s is mainly defined by our degree of awareness and as it expands, instead of adopting the ways of passivity, we begin to react in a constructive way. And in fact, whenever we tend to categorize something as “sadness”, it is most likely the outcome of unnecessary abstraction in our own thoughts or disconnect with our inner self. This revelation unearthed the layers of spiritual beauty, which says that when the possible horizons are pushed and inability to learn more about what transpires within the spheres of discernible world of thoughts knocks the door of your mind, which started feeling what it never felt before, it’s time to alter the set points of your personality, augment the ability to grasp learning’s of life and that’s where the power of spirituality and meditation soothes us and shows us a way to follow.

On the other hand, I met some really amazing people here, amazing in the way they live their lives, the way they set forth examples for others to follow. I really learnt a lot. Since there are no Indians around the place I stay, I used to be traversing alone during weekdays and mostly during weekends, I used to meet these friends. So there was this very intriguing transition that I used to experience, as if I used to gather immense positivity from them and then use it constructively over the weekdays, sinking in the learning’s galore that aloneness offer, being a wonderful teacher through self contemplation and introspection. And as I am ready to go back now, so many beautiful feelings crown in on my mind and I wish to thank everyone who was the reason for so many beautiful moments. 

But you just feel running out of words. You feel astonished about the fact where your vocabulary goes in such moments, you switch from English to Hindi, Hindi to English, but the best you can do is to splutter! That’s what happened when some of my close friends and families recently organized a get-together before my departure. I don’t remember really what I spoke. The fact that they are gathered just for me to wish me luck for my future completely overwhelmed me and it took some good time to come back in rather normal state to comprehend what transpired. I was very touched. May God bless them all with all the happiness and with power and patience to go through all inevitabilities of life!

Keeping in mind my decision of going back, I think we all should try to be specific and clear about what we want, based on how we learn the intricacies of life and understand life as the journey of self discovery. By being specific, we can’t mean being rigid. So specificity in desire is important but not with this thought that if it doesn’t happen, life would be hell because if we do so, we are trying to constrain Nature and even suspecting the infinite intelligence that it works with. We must free our desire to let it acquire its actual content and even the package it would come in. Thus specificity in desire serves two purposes: it gives our desire a framework to manifest into and secondly, it shows that at least we are doing our job fine. There is a lot in our hand for having the power to choose and for owning a thinking mind. It’s nice to specify desire based on what we have learnt about ourselves and then let Nature decide what is good for us. We should be happy about that fact that end result would come from somewhere, someone, characterized by the highest intelligence. It eases up our work and in fact, we would completely mess up our life if we are allowed to decide everything whatever happens in our lives. So we should be grateful to God who blessed each one of us with a destiny that is not limited to our limited intelligence and it keeps fascination of journey alive. 

Personal growth in the field of consciousness should extend towards our family, our friends, our surroundings to impart an effect with views, with our demeanor having a consciously pragmatic approach fused with simplicity, that helps to play all your roles in life with more passion, with ecstasy of giving and expand in the service of people who were not so fortunate enough, who struggle for even the basic necessities of life, who remain devoid of comforts and luxuries that our parents could give us. It’s a responsibility and such awareness forms a vision to lead a meaningful life and being with this quest of keep living a meaningful life, I hopefully add more meaning to it.

I feel the grace. I am grateful to the force which orchestrated and made this happen. I am going back to India and this inception more than specificity in desire, is driven by the infinite intelligence of cosmos, marked by destiny. God endowed everyone with it and life moves on, for next objectives.

An Insight of Extended Aloneness

Sometimes I notice something different within me and even hours of contemplation doesn’t end up anywhere! What ignites this quest of finding answers! Which part of my emotional being is willing to contemplate new horizons! There are always activities that get transformed into thoughts and turn into the vision of life. And aloneness for sure is one beauty in disguise that allows different aspects of our being to go deeper into the journey of self discovery. When the process is on its way, there is no more fascinating phenomenon taking place within the vicinities of personal psychological world full of emotions and beliefs.

Giving ourselves time for self introspection and self assessment is one good thing that we can do for us. It not only makes us audacious enough to question ourselves, but prepares us to learn what we could do better, what can be done better, where we lack, what kind of learning’s our character is eagerly asking for. In fact, we owe a lot to this aloneness because the best of the learning’s we ever had, were the outcome of this space when we tend introspect our actions and responses and dare to be honest with ourselves. And it’s quite a revelation to comprehend that once we set out on the path of self exploration, life unveils the ultimate growth process to make us a more elaborated individual who is gradually gaining a wider space of thoughts, nurturing a relaxed approach to understand the intricacies of life and turning into a better human being. Moreover, to be able to even manage all those seemingly small things related to setting up home is surely an addition to overall growth for it makes us feel responsible for every single thing happening to us as it forms daily regime and the habits inculcated in daily life form the basic elements of overall character and well being.
But what if it seems to be prolonged beyond a certain limit? Am I no longer able to grasp the teachings such lonesome environment in the form of solitude exposes us to? Is there some radical change needed in the whole ambience? The mistake we are vulnerable to in this situation is that we adopt the ways of passivity. Probably that’s an ingrained tendency with human behavior and instead of closely experiencing those, we often opt to get away from them and seek for some immediate gratification, but being with it and letting our consciousness realize the essence of it can unveil a new paradigm of altering old conditioning and belief if they are supposed to be. It’s opening up of a new dimension of understanding which defies all pre-existing notions and even gives rise to undesired emotional responses. So it surely asks for some careful assessment.
There are few immediate and obvious responses like getting married, going back to India etc. In fact, these are two beautiful possibilities, which have certainly got the strength to change psyche, but since they are time and fate-dependent too, there is definitely something else as well where the answers of such anxiety lie. There could be few possibilities as far as I can understand. Nature doesn’t work that way. It can’t let dwell in despair for some time-dependent features to appear and merely waiting for the time to heal is of little help, so there exists an appropriate response for us to take. We have got the spiritual dimension in our being, which is nourished by healthy anxiety of the mind to look for the poetry that resides beyond the usual aspects of dull prose. Where does it lead to? I contemplate, I behold.